The Evolution of Awkwardness (Halloween Edition)

                                          

I’m not afraid to say it. I judge people.

            I like to think of it more as a 5-second analysis. It sounds more scientific like that. There is no more of that “don’t judge a book by its cover” bullcrap.

But don’t worry; it’s not a daily judgment. My entire basis of your personality, creativity, intelligence and contribution to humanity all comes down to one day, one outfit. Halloween.

Your choice in Halloween costume can be a direct correlation to the likelihood of our friendship succeeding. Choose wisely. One slutty cat costume and I may unfriend you on Facebook.

It’s really a simple concept. Halloween is on the same day, every year. It can never surprise you. It can never sneak up on you. You know it’s coming. Also, dressing up in a Halloween costume isn’t necessarily a new tradition. According to Wikipedia, which is ALWAYS right, Halloween costumes originated in the Middle Ages. The excuse that you “just didn’t know” can never fly with me.

College transforms Halloween. Long gone are the days of Trick or Treating. Instead of fairy princesses and witches, girls now just add the adjective SEXY to the beginning of any old costume and voila! Now you're a sexy witch. Heck, I'm sure some girls just wear what they wore for Halloween in 5th grade--the shorter and tighter the better. 

Last year at a costume party on Campus Corner I saw a girl wearing only bathing suit bottoms and suspenders cover her nipples. I kid you not. When questioned exactly whom she was supposed to be, she answered "Lady Gaga, duh." I'm sorry, girl. You looked more like a waxed Borat.  

So listen up readers. You have exactly 28 days to come up with the most epic costume of the century. Start now! Start early! Don’t come running to me the night before the big costume party and ask if I have a grey mini skirt so you can dress up like Hermione Granger at the last second. For starters, of course I don’t own anything with the word “mini” in it, unless it is followed by the words pizza or donut.

The Evolution of Awkwardness Halloween Edition:               

1992: A wizard? with a stank face?

1997: A vampire?

2000: Terrified Dorothy?

2002: A hippie? A homeless person?

2003: Annie Oakley? A wilderness lesbian?

2006: Samara from The Ring

This costume wasn't hard for me to put together. In 2006, The Ring came out in theaters which begun a life-long comparison to the terrifying villain in the movie, an 8 year old girl with long brown hair and pale skin. Sounded perfect for my very first boy-girl Halloween party. I mean, I looked scary. Real scary. Exactly like the girl. I even came prepared with a hand held squirt bottle to constantly have my hair soaked like I had just crawled out of the well like Samara. You know that scene in Mean Girls when Lindsay Lohan shows up as the Ex-Wife while everyone else are dressed as slutty animals? Well, that doesn't just happen in movies. 

2011: Honest Abe

2012: Not for Halloween, but can't pass up this Elvis costume

It's times like these when your life is put in front of you in pictures when you realize that something went wrong somewhere down the line. At some point my parents should have taken my hand and pulled me aside and said that girls were supposed to dress up as princesses and play with dolls. But then again, I would rather be Elvis than Nipple Suspender Girl any day. 

Tomorrow's blogpost will feature The Top 10 Reader's Costumes! 

Have any embarrassing/awesome/awful Halloween costumes? Send them to me at maggierhea@ou.edu to be featured on tomorrow night's blogpost!