You know that friend that you really don't like that much? They may be rude or annoying or just plain mean, but for some reason you just can't stop being friends with them? Maybe it's because they've been around for a long time. They've seen you grow from an awkward 15 year old all the way to an awkward 21 year old. You want to move on to bigger and better things, but there's something holding you back.
That friend is Facebook.
I know there are better friends in store for me than Facebook--friends that will treat me better, friends that are way cooler, more socially relevant and a hell of a lot less annoying. But. I. Just. Can't. Leave.
Facebook teaches me things and without it, well, I would be a lot less knowledgable of the important issues in life.
Without my friend Facebook:
How would I know which high school friends finally came out of the closet?
Some do it secretly. One day I'll be scrolling through my newsfeed and suddenly the quiet girl that sat behind me in English is kissing a girl in her photos. You sly fox.
Some do it openly. You know, the whole status update or the very ceremonial switch from interested in "Women" to interested in "Men." We all act like we are surprised, like the status and post the appropriate SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! comment. But really dude... you played with Barbies when we were in elementary school and I blatantly remember you one time you "jokingly" wearing my flapper dress in 8th grade.
How could I possibly know which candidate to support in the upcoming election?
Forget the news. I get my information from the most credible source on this planet. My Facebook friends. Preferably the ones without a college education and with the statuses containing the most grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. They're the true Americans.
How could I know what exactly my dad is up to at that very second?
My dad's Facebook has also given me an insight into what his interests and likes are..because he often uses them as his profile picture. Just to name a show a few of his recent profile pictures:
How could I possibly find my soul mate?
The old method of "love at first sight" is outdated. I think it should be changed to "love at first creepy Facebook message"
How could I realize that I will probably die alone?
Now as I'm getting older, I have seen numerous of my Facebook friends make the commitment of eternal love. These newly changed relationship status to Engaged has taught me one thing. The only thing I can be committed to at the current time is the Thursday night ritual of Vampire Diaries.
So you're welcome, Facebook. You are holding on to my friendship merely by a thread. And thank you in return. Thank you for the hours of endless entertainment (and self-confidence boosting material).
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